If I told you that my weight is still a slight insecurity for me, would you believe me? I mean, I have embraced my weight, I love myself, but dang, it still bothers me that people would pass up an amazing life with me, because of my size. I am not mad at them, because every one has their preference, but still, its discouraging and triggering.
Before my thirties, my weight was a HUGE insecurity. And it showed. My friends said they never saw it, but it showed in my relationships with men. I was constantly giving, giving, giving. Giving of my energy, my time, my body, hell even money. I would go above and beyond to prove that I was this wonderful girl. And always got the short end of the stick. I was never aggressive with men, because I knew that even though I was beautiful, I could still be rejected because of my weight. I remember I was with a guy for over four years, held him downnnnnnnn, only for him to leave me and say, “you will never be in a relationship again because no man wants to be in a relationship with a woman who is out of shape!” Crushed my soul to hear that. That was the relationship that started my self love journey!
Fast forward to about seven years later from that horrendous comment! Recently, I met up with a guy I wanted to be with so bad, for years, I always felt like we had a strong connection. We would only have sex though, nothing more, except maybe some conversation. Eventually, I just settled on being friends with him because I knew he would never make me his girlfriend (sigh, I know). Anyways, he was in my city and we met up to catch up, its been years since I have seen or talked to him. During our conversation, he stated that he “had always liked me, but couldn’t be in a relationship with me because he didn’t know how to handle dating a “voluptuous” woman.” Here goes my weight again (eyeroll). It didn’t trigger me, as much, because I have been working on my self and my self love is at an all time high, it felt like closure, because he confirmed something I always knew. But I was triggered in a way that made me reflect on where I was at with my self love journey.
I say this to say, don’t feel bad when you are triggered. Triggers are meant to happen to promote growth. It is a time to further heal and release junk so that you can make way for beautiful new things, like love, intimacy, prosperity, and other blessings. Be thankful for these moments.
So, I say this to say, what are some things that trigger you and what are you doing to heal from them?
Spiritually Bri 
I never thought about it like that…about how triggers can promote growth, but reading your blog it makes me think of a recent situation that could have been a trigger for me if I hadn’t grown. My sister sent me a photo memory from two years ago, it was a picture of myself and my soon to be ex husband. I looked at the picture and smiled, and genuinely thanked her for the picture because in our ten years together we didn’t have many pictures. I was thankful for the picture also for the fact that my kids will be able to have one of a few pictures of their parents together. I smiled at the realization that…I grew! I had no bitterness or anything of the sort towards him, it was confirmation that I had moved on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Powerful and beautiful! And I couldn’t agree more. Triggers are for sure a way to recognize how to grow or where you need to grow. It’s crazy the amount feelings you go through as you actively feel that stuck energy being released. I’m glad you’re secure in your self love journey because you’re beautiful inside and out.
And I resonate with the overcompensating in certain areas because of an insecurity. Like for me, I couldn’t and still can’t be emotionally vulnerable. Like I’m clueless and come off so cold to men I really care for. It’s foreign to me to share emotion so I try to give more of something else because I know that important element is missing and eventually they get over the idea of being together because I can’t or won’t be a real person to/for them. So I’m figuring out what it is that keeps me from wanting to be seen in that way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re response sounds like I wrote in!
I have men I date where I care about them but I put up a defense to protect my heart so I won’t fall in love. One week we would have be intimate, I would show them my super power in sex! They would come back and want more and I would go ghost to protect myself.
In what ways do you over compensate?
In what ways are you not being a real person to-with them?
LikeLike
I was touched my this! A lot of times women use sex as a super power or to over compensate. I know I did. I would leave my emotions out of it because I was afraid of getting hurt. For lack of better words I would fuck like a dude then get ghost from time to time. Not allowing a man to get close enough to me to hurt me. I was heartless.
Sadae how did you overcompensate?
In what ways would you say they would not consider you as a real person?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry I commented two I thought it didn’t post the first time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤️ wow loved this ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability, and fresh perspective on being triggered. Even the word “triggered” can be triggering so it’s amazing to see how a simple change in perspective can transform a seemingly negative situation into a vehicle to foster growth. l love your blog for its sincerity and openness. Keep these gems coming!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a touchy subject. Do you have any insight on this subject of your own? I’m actually writing about this myself and would like to hear more from you and other readers?
LikeLike
This was beautiful Brit! Thank you for sharing and making me reflect on my many triggers. Also men can be so damn cruel smdh… they are the sole reason for most women’s insecurities that have been passed on through generations. Forget those guys, seriously!
LikeLiked by 1 person