If I told you that my weight is still a slight insecurity for me, would you believe me? I mean, I have embraced my weight, I love myself, but dang, it still bothers me that people would pass up an amazing life with me, because of my size. I am not mad at them, because every one has their preference, but still, its discouraging and triggering.
Before my thirties, my weight was a HUGE insecurity. And it showed. My friends said they never saw it, but it showed in my relationships with men. I was constantly giving, giving, giving. Giving of my energy, my time, my body, hell even money. I would go above and beyond to prove that I was this wonderful girl. And always got the short end of the stick. I was never aggressive with men, because I knew that even though I was beautiful, I could still be rejected because of my weight. I remember I was with a guy for over four years, held him downnnnnnnn, only for him to leave me and say, “you will never be in a relationship again because no man wants to be in a relationship with a woman who is out of shape!” Crushed my soul to hear that. That was the relationship that started my self love journey!
Fast forward to about seven years later from that horrendous comment! Recently, I met up with a guy I wanted to be with so bad, for years, I always felt like we had a strong connection. We would only have sex though, nothing more, except maybe some conversation. Eventually, I just settled on being friends with him because I knew he would never make me his girlfriend (sigh, I know). Anyways, he was in my city and we met up to catch up, its been years since I have seen or talked to him. During our conversation, he stated that he “had always liked me, but couldn’t be in a relationship with me because he didn’t know how to handle dating a “voluptuous” woman.” Here goes my weight again (eyeroll). It didn’t trigger me, as much, because I have been working on my self and my self love is at an all time high, it felt like closure, because he confirmed something I always knew. But I was triggered in a way that made me reflect on where I was at with my self love journey.
I say this to say, don’t feel bad when you are triggered. Triggers are meant to happen to promote growth. It is a time to further heal and release junk so that you can make way for beautiful new things, like love, intimacy, prosperity, and other blessings. Be thankful for these moments.
So, I say this to say, what are some things that trigger you and what are you doing to heal from them?